Hello everyone, and welcome to the Foundation!

You might be wondering "What, The Foundation ?", or "They chose me for their orientation day? What did I do to deserve such an honor ?" or even "Who is this guy, what am I doing here, and why I was abducted by masked men at 3 a.m. in my own bed ?".
No, don't get agitated, because as you may have noticed, you are surrounded by guards, and yes, these weapons are real and yes, they will be used if you try to cause any trouble. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, and all try to spend a good time here.

If you're here, it is because you are the best of the best. la crème de la crème, as they say in French, but I'm sure you all know that already since you were all chosen from the brightest students all around the world. We chose you because we thought you are the fittest to carry the burd the honor of protecting humanity alongside the foundation! I will now present the different workshops we will offer you today to discover various foundation-related jobs. After this presentation is done, you will have 30 seconds to input the numbers of the workshops you choose in the collar around your neck. This is your first test: we want to check your cognitive abilities under pressure and in situations of crisis. Should you input more, fail to do so at the end of the requested time, or cause any trouble before the end of this day, you will be administered amnestics and sent back to civilian lives, with no hope to ever work for The Foundation again. Now, let's get started

Do you like donuts? Do you think one box of donuts a day would be enough to serve as cannon fodder in case of a containment breach? No? How about two then.

Don't worry: This was, of course, a joke: management would never pay for more than one box a week. 

Some of you might think "A security guard? Me, one of the brightest students in the world, a security guard ?" I understand your concern but rest assured: we got the best health insurance in the world.

This job workshop includes various activities, such as :

I've been affected to Site-19? A Comprehensive Guide on how to say goodbye to your family

How to negotiate with an extracorporeal entity

Demonology 101: How to quickly banish ancient gods using only a toothpick, a paper towel and a vial of your own blood

These guys are actually my favorite employees here at the foundation but don't tell anyone else. 

These guys got all the pros of all the other jobs, and none of the cons, which is why they're my favorite : 

-You're constantly working under pressure (and remember kids, pressure is what turns charcoal into a diamond)

-Every time we discover some new lethal property of an anomaly, you are the first one to know. Well, the first alive one. Class-D learns it before you, sort of.

-You're contributing to science and the improvement of the world as a whole. Do you know how many every-day products were developed thanks to our anomalous research? No? Did you really think we managed to create an electric toothbrush by putting tiny motors in a toothbrush? Come on, be serious for a second.

Well, depending on your skills, you won't all be affected to the same anomaly. Chances are, you may only work with 2 or 3 anomalies in your whole life, and never learn anything about other anomalies. But remember: you're doing it for the sake of mankind

These guys are... my favorites? I think? I don't remember what I wanted to talk about

For those of you who'd like to be on stage just like I am today, and train new recruits: good luck! The only reason why I'm here is that I never age, due to an unfortunate experiment with an anomaly in the Euclid sector of this Site. I also had my brain capacity increased, amongst other things, which is why I'm able to single-handedly manage all the HR work of this site. So thanks to me, the foundation is saving a whole lot of money.

However, if you do manage to kill me, you'd receive the same immortality treatment as I did, and you'll be given my job. Problem is : I can only be killed in battle. Don't ask me why, I guess the artifact was viking or something. This is why every two weeks, we organize an All-For-One Battle Royale in a specially built area of this site. You see this red door over there. Yes, right here. 

For those of you who don't want to try your chance but still want to watch the battle, tickets are on sale starting now. We use the money for the birthday present of personnels here at the site. Trust me, it's a funny show. We once threw 682 in the arena pit. That was extremely fun.

I heard some of your here are aspiring doctors ? Great! But that won't be very useful here. You'll have to start all your studies from scratch.

Why ? Because anomalies here cause injuries unheard of modern medecine, but also of modern science as a whole. Being a doctor here is a whole new job. These guys have seen the worst anomalies can offer. Have you ever seen what SCP-447 does when it touches a body ? Have you ?

These guys have. Which why they are, quite frankly, my favorites.

Okay, okay, I know what some of you are thinking: "I don't want to work in an office! I want to travel, see the world !" And that is a fine way of thinking. Because we need field soldiers as well, brave explorers of the unknown, who will discover anomalies, secure them, eventually fight them, maybe get deleted out of reality then bring them back to us so overpaid scientists can safely study them. 

In short, they risk their lives so we don't have too. Which makes them my favorites employees.

Alright! I think that's about it. So, bright students, I hope this day will serve as a useful orientation for most of you, and that once you've obtained your diplomas, you will come back here to work with us: I'm looking forward to it. 

Oh, and one last thing: If you talk about this day to anyone else outside this Site, you will be terminated. Now enjoy!